A More In Depth View of the
Disorganized Attachment DISORDER
Attachment is an overarching system that explains the principles, the rules, and the emotions of relationships—how they work and why they don’t, how we feel when we’re with the ones we love the most.
Comparison of Attachment Styles
Avoidant Attachment Style POSITIVE View of SELF/NEGATIVE View of OTHER
Grass is greener on my side of the fence “I am the smart one. You are not.”
Anxious/ Ambivalent Attachment Style NEGATIVE View of SELF /POSITIVE View of OTHER
Grass is greener on your side of the fence. “You are the smart one.” I am not.”
Disorganized Attachment Style NEGATIVE view of SELF / NEGATIVE view of OTHERS
No grass Satan lied to us about who God is and who we are! “We can’t love or trust. Anyone.”
Secure Attachment Style POSITIVE view of SELF/POSITIVE view of OTHER
Green grass no fences plenty of love for all. God says we are both designed in His image.
Questions we ask ourselves
“Are you there for me?
Can I count on you? Do you really care about me?
Am I worthy of your love and protection?
What do I have to do to get your attention, your affection, your heart?
These are questions of attachment. When they cannot be answered positively, your psychological, relational, and even spiritual foundations can be shaken”
(By Dr. Tim Clinton & Dr. Gary Sibcy "Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do".)
“Unthinking confidence in the unfailing accessibility and support of attachment figures is the bedrock on which stable and self-reliant personality is built.” —JOHN BOWLBY “I am the door: by me if any man enters in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:9-10 (KJV) Shared from Pocket Bible for Windows Store (http://www.laridian.com)
DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT STYLE
Disorganized Attachment Style NEGATIVE view of SELF / NEGATIVE view of OTHERS
No grass Satan lied to us about who God is and who we are! “We can’t love or trust. Anyone.”
a. Disorganized Disorder and Emotions
1. Numb at first
2. Overwhelmed (little things bring too much emotion) and traumatized (disorganization comes from an abusive past.)
3. Clinging and avoiding
b. Disorganized Disorder and Intimacy
1. Approach avoidance – clinging to distancing
2. Help-reject-complain
3. Fearful
4. Switch between Avoidant & Ambivalent
” The Disorganized Attachment Style Being abandoned, treated with inconsistent love and abuse, and being subjected to contradictory communications all contribute to a child’s sense of helplessness. —LOUIS BREGER
Persons with a disorganized attachment style have the ability to find darkness everywhere they turn. As they look out at the world of relationships, the grass is always dead on both sides of the fence. Why? Because they hold a negative view of others and a negative view of themselves. The result is behavior that includes a mixed bag of attachment problems. We often describe these persons as having a “shattered self.” They can behave like those who have an avoidant attachment style, looking inside themselves for satisfaction as they emotionally wall off those close to them. Then, they can sense some kind of shift in the emotional winds and change strategy without warning, becoming desperately clingy and dependent, like those with the ambivalent attachment style, as they hope a stronger, wiser other will come to their rescue. Surprisingly, at other times, they may appear secure and relate to others in warm, trusting ways. These sudden shifts from one attachment strategy to another often leave those closest to them confused and frustrated while the “disorganized” persons themselves feel trapped in a chaotic world, one of rapidly shifting emotions, impulsive behaviors, and muddled relationships. Do you know people like this? We do, and we’d like to introduce one of them to you.